Monday, April 6, 2020

A Psychological Curative

   In the absence of a physical cure for this monster virus, there is at least a psychological remedy that can help relieve the stress we’re suffering from the daily avalanche of dire news. Flowers of humor are blooming like spring jonquils here and there across the land.

   Here’s my admittedly dubious contribution to that grass roots effort, selected from the entire alphabet especially for my writer friends but also for anybody else willing to endure it. You’ll have to think a bit about these word definitions:

Abominable. Capable of exploding.
Accidental. When a dentist pulls the wrong tooth.
Accrue. Those ordered around by a captain.
Archery. A branch of podiatry.
Balderdash. A brief foot race for skinheads.
Bangle. What occurs if you pull the trigger of a gungle.
Blunderbuss. Ineptly driven public transport.
Boondoggle. The gift of a puppy.
Butter. A goat.
Capsize. A cranial measurement.
Cardiologist. An expert poker player.
Coffer. A person you probably want to avoid these days.
Chinchilla. Aftershave.
Decrease. To un-press pants.
Disembark. To peel a tree.
Dogmatic. A wind-up pet.
Error. A pointed missile used with a beau.
Explain. Your previous aircraft.
Fanfare. Beer, popcorn, and nachos.
False premise. Fictitious address.
Frenzies. As opposed to enemies.
Friars. Waffle House cooks.
Gloom. Way to keep photos in an old-fashioned scrapbook.
Grouper. Extrovert. (Rare these days.)
Halibut. A fish that ends in a conjunction.
Ideal. What a car salesperson does.
Impeccable. A steel telephone pole to a red-headed bird.
Incongruous. Where senators and representatives occasionally gather to argue.
Infantry. A sapling.
Jigger. Irish dancer.
Junket. What you may need to do with your car.
Kinship. The family watercraft.
Largess. A capital letter that also stands for capital when you cross it out.
Legerdemain. Cooking the books.
Mayhem. Uncertain seamstress.
Neurosis. Fresh flowers.
Octopus. An eight-sided cat.
Parking. Golf pro.
Ponder. A duck.
Quackery. A duck sanctuary.
Rawhide. Nudist retreat scenery.
Sapling. Spring breaker.
Seismologist. Fault finder.
Tingle. Metallic sea bird.
Unbridled. A happy bachelor.
Vanish. A delivery vehicle, like.
Wan. A Mexican male.
Xerosis. Yesterday’s flowers.
Yawl. A boat popular in the American south.
Zebra. A type of French female garment.

   And there you have it, with sincere apologies to both Merriam and her consort Webster (an Internet addict).


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