Learning English

     Because I like the culture and the music and the people, I’m slowly learning Spanish through a daily Duolingo lesson. Many words are similar to those in English, which helps. Spanish does have a perplexing penchant for genderizing everything, though. Why, for example, is university feminine (la universidad) while skirt is masculine (el falda)?

     This has caused me to wonder how a foreigner must struggle to learn our oft-irrational and confuddling English.

     Many words, for example, are spelled the same but can be pronounced differently with different meanings, like:

     The nurse wound a bandage around the wound.

     A farm produces produce.

     No time like the present to present a present.

     A dove dove into a bush.

     Do you object to the object?

     An invalid’s insurance was invalid.

     If you want to lead, get the lead out.

     You need to wind in the sail in a high wind.

     The soldier decided to desert in the desert.

     The tear in her dress made her shed a tear.

     The bass angler plays a bass drum in a band.

     Unfortunately for the poor frazzled English student, there are many more examples of such craziness.

     Consider that there is no egg in eggplant, or pine in pineapple, or ham in hamburger. A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor a pig. English muffins weren’t invented in England, nor were French fries in France. We ship by truck but send cargo by ship. Why do a fat chance and a slim chance mean the same darned thing? An alarm goes off by going on. Our noses run but our sneakered feet smell. When the stars come out in the dark, they’re visible, but when a bulb goes out in a dark room, it’s invisible. Why shouldn’t Buick rhyme with quick? Why is the plural of goose geese when the plural of moose is not meese? Sweetmeats are candies but sweetbreads are unsweet meat. Does a hammer ham?

     Few words in English work so hard as the modest little word up:

     We wake up in the morning, wash up, heat up coffee, get dressed up, lock up, go outside to find out if it’s clouding up or clearing up, and show up at work. We speak up at a meeting, finish up some project, look up several files, load up on carbs at lunch, write up a report, use up the day, work up an appetite, go home to warm up leftovers, call up a friend and maybe drink up a nightcap.

     Of course, you have to open up a drain if it gets stopped up.

     Lots of businesses open up in the morning and close up at night.

     People stir up trouble, think up excuses, line up for events, fix up the car, clean up the kitchen, straighten up the living room, get mixed up, get held up, and even sometimes just flat give up.

     Time for me to shut up.

Phil

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